Characters:
Cinderella – a handsome young man in his 20’s dressed as a woman
Prince Albert – a woman dressed as a man
Mother – a woman in her 40’s
Charlene – a young woman in her early 20’s, same size as Cinderella, so they can switch dresses
Godmother – a woman over 40
Some extras to mill about the ball scene
The dress is fantasy fairytale style anything goes
Scene 1: The Woods
Lights on.
Birds chirp.
Prince Albert sits on the ground writing in a notebook. He jumps up and recites the poem he just finished writing. Cinderella enters from the back, carrying a basket, picking up a mushroom as she walks. She stops and listens.
Albert
I am a flower growing in the shade
My seed blown by accident
Under a big fir tree,
I’m looking jealously
Upon a field in front of me
Where other flowers
Enjoy the gay sunshine,
I long to join them,
But I cannot,
I am attached
To this pathetic spot,
I am a wild flower
Growing in the woods,
There is no gardener
To come and pull my roots,
And only death can free me now...
Cinderella claps. Albert quickly turns around.
Cinderella
I apologize for listening. Please forgive my rude curiosity. But it was such a beautiful poem, it really spoke to me! Did you write it?
Albert
Yes. Thank you. No need to apologize – it is refreshing to have an honest audience for a change... Oh, what a charming dress you are wearing!
Cinderella
Thank you.
Albert
I’ve never seen one like it. Where did you buy it?
Cinderella
I made it myself from some old potato sacks.
Albert
Wow! Amazing! Are you a dressmaker?
Cinderella
I wish. It is my dream. Unfortunately, I have no money, and the housework takes up all of my time.
Albert
My name is Albert. But you can call me Al. May I buy you a latte?
Cinderella
I’d like that very much, but I must hurry home to cook lunch.
Albert
Your husband is a lucky man.
Cinderella
I am not married. The lunch is for my mother and sister.
Albert
That’s wonderful! I mean you are so wonderful! You sew, you cook! What else do you do?
Cinderella
I clean, do the laundry, fix the house, do the plumbing, the landscaping, patch the roof, clean the gutters, install the windows -
Albert
You are kidding, right?
Cinderella
No, I am completely serious. I got my nickname Cinderella, for being all black for a week after sweeping the chimney.
Albert
Incredible! What a treasure you are! Your future husband will be the luckiest of men!
Cinderella
I don’t expect to ever get married. No one would want such an unfeminine woman!
Albert
I strongly disagree with you.
A pause during which they stare at each other. Albert might even touch Cinderella’s hair or face.
Albert
But you work much too hard! Tell me who your mother is, and I’ll get someone to invite her to dinner so you’ll have a night off.
Cinderella
Thank you, but it won’t work.
Albert
Why not?
Cinderella
Whenever mom goes out, she always gives me a list of tasks to finish by the time she comes back.
Albert
Oh poor thing! I bet I can figure out a way for you to get out and have some fun.
Cinderella
If I had anything of my own to bet, I would. What you are suggesting is quite impossible, so I’m sure to win.
Albert
You do have something – you can bet your dress.
Cinderella
But it is my only dress.
Albert
I’ll give you enough time to make another. How about something which will take place within two weeks? Is it enough time?
Cinderella
Yes. And what will I get if I win?
Albert
I will marry you. If that’s what it takes to get you away from your family.
Cinderella
You are sweet. But think of something else, please.
Albert
I’ll give you a thousand gold pieces so you can start your boutique.
Cinderella
I can’t possibly accept such a large winning!
Albert
How about walking with you in the woods every day for the rest of my life!
Cinderella
But I only go in the woods when berries and mushrooms are in season. And to collect firewood in winter.
Albert
And to pick flowers in the spring, and herbs, and to fish – surely you can find much more to do in the woods! I will keep coming here every day at the same time in the hope of meeting you.
Cinderella
Ok. But I must hurry home now.
SCENE 2: Cinderella’s home
Mother sits reading. Charlene runs in.
Charlene (excited)
Mother! I have such wonderful news! The king just announced a ball and a dress contest! And the winner gets a date with the prince and a thousand gold pieces!
Mother
That is great news indeed! Cinder! Come in here.
Cinderella comes into the room.
Mother
I told you to stop wearing a dress! You are an abomination! Don’t force me to report you to the police!
Cinderella
I’m sorry mother. I’ll go change right now.
Mother
Later. Listen - the king announced a dress contest. So we’ll need you to be working on our dresses starting yesterday. We will do our best to ignore some dust here and there, and will regretfully pass on the daily fresh mushrooms and berries while you sew.
Cinderella
All right mother.
Mother
If we win the contest, everyone will want to order dresses from us, and you’ll be the dressmaker. Wouldn’t you love that?
Cinderella
Oh yes, very much!
Mother
Here’s some money. Go buy the cloth you need. Run.
Lights out
Lights on
Scene 3: Cinderella visits her Godmother
Godmother
My darling child! So nice of you to visit.
Cinderella
Godmother, would you do me a huge favor?
Godmother
Anything.
Cinderella
May I have some old curtains or a couple of old dresses?
Godmother
Of course. Do you prefer curtains or dresses?
Cinderella
Doesn’t matter. Whatever you don’t need.
Godmother
You poor thing. Doesn’t your mother have any old dresses you can use?
Cinderella
She doesn’t like me wearing dresses.
Godmother
Well, I’m not sure I should be going against her on this.
Cinderella
Please. I lost a dress in a bet. I was so sure I couldn’t lose!
Godmother
Who would bet you a dress? Charlene?
Cinderella
No. My new friend.
Godmother
Oh, thank heavens, you met a girl!
Cinderella
Not a girl, a man.
Godmother
You must stop seeing him at once! Do you want to be hanged!
Cinderella
We are just friends. We just talk, that’s all.
Godmother
You be careful, you hear! Okay, let’s go get you some cloth.
Lights out
lights on
Scene 4: Cinderella’s home
Mother and sister parade in two new dresses. Cinderella enters wearing a fancy dress as well.
Mother
Why are you dressed up too?
Cinderella
To go to the ball.
Mother
No, no, no! You can’t go! Only ladies are invited.
Cinderella
But with three dresses we’ll have better odds of winning!
Mother
And what if your dress is chosen? How will you go on a date with the prince? You know, you can’t possibly do that. He’ll discover that you’re not a woman. The king will have your head!
Cinderella
I’ll just take the prize money and decline the date.
Mother
This is not a democracy, the date is mandatory.
Cinderella
Even if I do go out with him, doesn’t mean I’d let him put his hands on me.
Charlene
Personally, I want him to ravish me!
Cinderella
Charlene! Where is your pride?
Charlene
I’ve had a crush on him since I was fourteen! Have you forgotten how I asked you to sew a coin with his profile to the inside of my bra? So that his lips may touch my breast all day long!
Cinderella
I have an idea. If my dress gets chosen, Charlene and I will quickly run to the bathroom and exchange dresses. That way she’ll go on a date!
Charlene
Yes mother! It’s a great idea! Please! Please! I need any extra chance I can get!
Mother
Okay. Fine. But at the slightest suspicion that someone might be guessing that you are not a girl, you must leave immediately.
Cinderella
Of course. Thank you mother! You are the best!
Mother
You can share our carriage until we get near the palace. Then you walk the rest of the way. I want you to arrive alone, so if anything goes wrong, we don’t know you. Okay, let’s go win the prize.
Lights out
Lights on
Scene 5: THE BALL
Festive lights on, music is playing in the background. Women in fancy dresses are milling about, dancing, holding wine glasses.
Mother and Charlene stand holding wine glasses. Cinderella enters. They quickly walk away.
Albert walks up to Cinderella.
Albert
You look stunning!
Cinderella
Thank you.
Albert
And you owe me your dress.
Cinderella
I hope I don’t have to give it to you right now.
Albert
I can wait until after the winner is announced, of course.
Cinderella
But I’ll still need it after. To walk home.
Albert
What! At night! No way. I’ll have a carriage take you.
Cinderella
Wow! Do you work here at the palace?
Albert
Occasionally... Shall we dance?
Cinderella
I don’t know how. I’m sorry.
Albert
What! I thought there was nothing you couldn’t do!
Cinderella
I told you I wasn’t very feminine.
Albert
Nonsense. I’ve never met a girl more feminine than you... Just follow me.
Albert shows Cinderella a couple of steps, and they dance around for a minute. Music stops. Albert bows, kisses Cinderella’s hand.
Cinderella
Thank you for teaching me to dance.
Albert
I’m thrilled that there is at least something I can teach you! And now I must announce the contest winner.
Cinderella
You know who won? Please tell me!
Albert
Wouldn’t you rather be surprised?
Cinderella
No! I hate surprises.
Albert
I get it – you put a lot of work into making the dress and the suspense is killing you. Fine. It’s this dress, the one you’re wearing. But please act surprised, jump up and down, scream from happiness, when I make the public announcement.
Cinderella
All right. But give me a few minutes please. I must go to the powder room.
Albert
Be quick.
Cinderella runs out. Music starts. Some couple/s do a fancy dance for a minute, giving Cinderella and Charlene time to exchange dresses. Albert stands to the side watching the dancers. He notices Cinderella’s dress. The girl in the dress stands with her back to him, talking to some older woman (Mother).
Albert (claps his hands)
Attention everyone.
The music stops.
Albert (addresses the audience)
I would like to congratulate all of you ladies for the fabulous dresses. It was very hard to pick just one winner. After a careful deliberation I have made my selection. I’m sure you will all agree that it is the most amazing dress.
Albert walks to Charlene wearing Cinderella’s dress, takes her hand and leads her to the center of the stage. She jumps up and down and squeals.
Albert (to the sound booth)
Drum roll!
Albert notices that a different woman is wearing the dress and looks shocked for a second.
Albert (to Charlene)
This dress is amazing. I’d like the name of your dressmaker.
Charlene
We make our own dresses, our family does. In fact, we’re going to open a dressmaking shop with the prize money.
Albert
I take it you selected the gold, instead of a date with me. Very sensible of you.
Charlene
Wait, what? The announcement said ‘a thousand gold pieces and a date.’
Albert
That was a typo. It was supposed to be ‘or’ not ‘and’.
Charlene
Can I change my mind? I would really like a date.
Albert
As you wish.
Albert gives her his elbow, she puts her hand on it, he leads her off the stage.
Lights out
Lights on
Scene 6: AT HOME
Mother (angry, to Charlene)
You chose a date instead of a thousand gold pieces! How are we supposed to open a dressmaking shop!
Charlene
I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I love him.
Mother
Did he at least ravish you? Can we hope for some child support payments?
Charlene (pouty)
I wish. He was a perfect gentleman. We had dinner and talked.
Mother
You are such an idiot! Didn't even think to ask for a doggy bag!
Lights out
Lights on
Scene 7: In the woods
Cinderella meets Albert. She carries a basket, like the first time.
Cinderella
I am afraid I can’t fulfill my side of the bargain. This is still my only dress. Can I please have a few days to make another?
Albert
You’d given it to some other woman. Why?
Cinderella
She is my sister, I wanted to help her. I fear the betting laws are very strict, please don’t take legal action against me.
Albert
Okay, on one condition. You will marry me.
Cinderella
Oh, I do like you very much, but I can’t possibly marry you.
Albert
What is stopping you?
Cinderella
I’m afraid to tell you.
Albert
What are you afraid of?
Cinderella
That you will hate me and will not be my friend anymore. Even worse, you could have me arrested, for I’ve broken the law.
Albert
I give you my word that you can do nothing to make me hate you, or to hurt you in any way. Even if you murdered someone, I promise to keep your secret.
Cinderella
What if my crime is worse than murder?
Albert
It’s hard to imagine that such a sweet and innocent young bud could be the world’s worst criminal. But if you are, I still promise that your secret will go with me to my grave. Do tell!
Cinderella
I was born in a wrong body - a body of a man! You see now why I could never get married!
Albert
Is that all? My darling! It just so happens that I was born in a wrong body as well – a body of a girl. My real name is Alberta, but I changed it to Albert.
Now the two of us can fulfill our duty to our country and to produce an heir! I’ll produce one, and you’ll pretend to be its mother.
(gets down on one knee)
Will you marry me, Cinderella.
Cinderella
Yes!
Lights out
The end.
No comments:
Post a Comment