A hotel room is haunted by a maid who committed a suicide long time ago. The hotel was making lots of money from the rent of the haunted room ever since. Until today...
The characters:
Maria the ghost maid – a pretty young womanHumphrey Bugart – an attractive man
The Tourists – a couple dressed like tourists with cameras
Hotel Manager – a haughty woman with airs of grandeur
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GHOST MAID
Characters:
Maria the ghost maid – pretty woman
Humphrey – attractive man
The Tourists – a couple dressed like tourists
Hotel Manager – a haughty woman with airs of grandeur
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Lights out, lights on
The Tourists are sitting on the stage. The man has his camera or a phone aimed at the entrance, ready to videotape.
Maria enters, carrying a jug of Draino. She breaks into violent sobs. She doesn’t see the Tourists, or doesn’t care. She downs the bottle of Draino, falls on the floor, twitches in pain, moans, making heart-wrenching sounds, then dies.
The Tourists are watching, the man videotapes. They look very pleased.
Lights out, lights on
HOTEL LOBBY – FRONT DESK
The Hotel Manager (into the phone)
The first opening we have for the Ghost Room is in six months. It’s a Tuesday. Would you like to make a reservation? Yes, we guarantee it – she commits suicide every Thursday morning regular as clockwork… No, you can’t just reserve it for Thursday… Why! Because we have a huge list of people, who’d reserve it for a whole month if they could… Yes, call us back, by all means.
Manager slams down the phone.
Humphrey enters.
Humphrey
Checking in…
The Manager
Your name?
Humphrey
Mr. Humphrey Bugart.
The Manager hands him the key
Here you go Mr. Humphrey, enjoy the show.
Lights out, lights on
HOTEL ROOM
Humphrey stands in the middle of the room.
Maria enters, sobs, and lifts her bottle of Draino. Humphrey rushes over to her and knocks the bottle out of her hand.
Maria
Jeepers! You can touch me!
Humphrey
Why do you want to die?
Maria
My fiancée jilted me.
Humphrey
It’s his loss! You can do so much better! I’d go out with you in a heartbeat.
Maria
You would?
They take hands and draw closer and closer.
Humphrey
How long can you stay?
Maria
I don’t know. I’ve never NOT died before...
Do you mind if I take a shower?
Humphrey
Not at all.
Maria
Golly! I’m so excited! It’s been 70 years since my last shower!
Maria runs out excited.
Lights out, lights on
Maria and Humphrey are cuddling. The knock on the door and a voice:
Humphrey
Come with me!
Maria
I don’t know if I can leave the hotel.
Humphrey
Let’s try.
They leave the room.
Lights out, lights on
LOBBY
Humphrey and Maria are heading toward the exit. Front Desk Manager notices them and runs to block their way.
The Manager (to Maria)
Where do you think you’re going!
Maria
Away from here.
The Manager
You can’t leave! Your show is reserved for months ahead!
Maria
I’m not your property!
The Manager
Ghosts are supposed to stay with the haunted buildings!
Maria
Who says!
The Manager
You’re still the hotel’s employee!
Maria
I quit!
Maria rips off her apron and throws it at the Manager.
Maria and Humphrey resolutely walk toward the door, but Maria bumps into an invisible wall.
Maria
Ouch! I guess I can’t leave.
(Maria starts crying)
Humphrey
That’s okay baby, I’ll stay here with you!
They return to the Front Desk. The Manager gloats.
Humphrey
I’m extending my stay for another week.
Manager
You realize you can’t have the Ghost room, it’s reserved for month in advance.
Humphrey
I’ll take whatever room you have.
Manager (facetiously)
All we have available is a honeymoon suite at $500 a night.
Humphrey
Perfect.
Lights out, lights on
MORNING
Humphrey and Maria are cuddling. Loud knock on the door.
Humphrey
I don’t need room service, thank you.
Manager
This is the Manager. I need to speak with you urgently.
Humphrey
I’m not up yet. I’ll come down at dinnertime…
Manager
The Ghost didn’t do her morning haunting…
Humphrey
So?
Manager
She was last seen going up to your room.
Humphrey
Well, then vanished. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go back to sleep.
Manager
I demand to inspect your room!
Humphrey
You’ll have to get a warrant.
Manager
I will be back with it in an hour!
Maria (shouts)
Okay I’m here. You don’t have to be mean to Humphrey. In fact, looks like even though I’m stuck here, I don’t have to do the morning show if I don’t want to. So if you need that show to keep your business, you’re going to provide Humphrey’s room for free for the rest of his life!
Manager
Bitch!
Maria
It’s you who is the bitch! Show some gratitude for all the money I made you all those 70 years!
(silence from behind the door)
It’s a deal then. Now go away.
Humphrey and Maria giggle and put their arms around each other.
Lights out
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