CHARACTERS:
A hypnotherapist – a woman 36 to 50 y.o.
Kylee – a teenager 16 to 18
A Woman – an overweight woman 21 to 50
_______________________________________
The hypnotherapist’s office. Her teenage daughter Kylee walks in carrying her schoolbag on her shoulder. Her mom is just leaving. They cross paths mid stage.
A HYPNOTHERAPIST
I’ll be back in about an hour. If anyone walks in off the street please make an appointment for me, would you?
KYLEE
Sure mom. No problem.
Kylee looks at the audience and grins. She drops her bag, plops in her mom’s chair, puts her feet on the desk. There’s a knock at the door.
KYLEE
Come in please.
A Woman walks in. She eyes Kylee suspiciously. Kylee takes the gum out of her mouth and sticks it to the bottom of the desk or chair.
THE WOMAN
Are you the hypnotist?
Kylee points to the beanbag.
KYLEE
Indeed I am. You look shocked that I'm so young? Don't let the appearances fool you. I'm actually 40. Just overdid the rejuvenation self-hypnosis a bit. Please get comfortable.
The Woman plops down and squirms, not at all succeeding in being comfortable.
KYLEE
So, what are we doing today?
(The Woman opens her mouth to explain, but KYLEE keeps talking)
Let me guess: Do you want to give birth naturally without feeling pain?
THE WOMAN
No. . .
KYLEE
Do you want to lose weight?
THE WOMAN
No . . . I ...
KYLEE
Don't say it, don't say it, I know: you were abducted by the aliens and want to be regressed!
WOMAN
NO!
KYLEE looks at the Woman expectantly.
KYLEE
Well, don’t be shy. Speak up!
THE WOMAN
My request may seem a little strange . . .
KYLEE interrupts again.
KYLEE
Nothing you can say will surprise me in the least. Go on.
THE WOMAN
Ok. So, lately I've been having the same dream. It was always about this man. When he looked into my eyes I felt like he was a part of me, it felt soooo right! I’ve never felt this way before. He must be the love of my life. I have to find him, and I hope you can help me.
KYLEE
That’s a strange request! I’m not a private detective! I don’t go about looking for people.
THE WOMAN
I know, I know. I just want you to hypnotize me so I can ask him some questions. When I wake up I remember nothing of what we talked about. All I need is for you to hypnotize me to that dream so I can remember every detail when I wake up.
KYLEE
I can hypnotize you, of course. But, I hope you realize: “the satisfaction guaranteed or your money back” like it says on that sign outside doesn’t apply in your case, since it is so very strange. Do you still want to go through with it?
THE WOMAN
Oh, yes. I owe it to Us to do everything in my power to find Him.
KYLEE
It will be a $100 cash please.
THE WOMAN
Can I write a check? I don’t have that much cash with me.
KYLEE
How much do you have?
THE WOMAN
$60.
KYLEE
Ok, since it is your first visit I’ll give you a discount.
The Woman reaches into her bag and hands Kylee the money.
KYLEE
Lay back and close your eyes. Listen to my voice and think of nothing else. Your eyelids are getting heavy, very heavy… You are going to go to sleep to wake up into the recurring dream you keep having. You are going to be conscious enough to ask the man whatever questions you want to ask. When you'll wake up you'll remember everything. You are very sleepy… Now you are asleep…
The Woman snores. KYLEE picks up her hand and lets it drop. She looks surprised and happy at her success.
KYLEE
Wow! Awesome!
(stares thoughtfully for a moment)
Come to think of it. . . Honey, you are a huge mess. You have an eating problem, drinking problem, gambling problem. You need to make at least two appointments per week with me until further notice.
LIGHTS OUT.
LIGHTS ON.
The Woman is standing in the middle of the stage looking around. She sees a man. This is Colon, the Mystery Man she's been dreaming about. She runs up to him, holding her hands out to him, smiling happily.
THE WOMAN
Please tell me you are real, that you exist outside of my dreams, that I didn't make you up!
COLON
I'm real, you didn't make me up.
THE WOMAN
I feel like I've known you all my life.
COLON
That's understandable.
THE WOMAN
I feel like you came to me in my dreams for a reason.
COLON
You are correct.
THE WOMAN
So you did want me to find you so we can live happily forever and ever?
COLON
Yes I did.
THE WOMAN
And now we’re going to be together!
COLON
Until death do us part, as they say.
THE WOMAN
So tell me what must I do!
COLON
Well, first you must have an enema and then drink a good cleansing tea in the evenings. You must also eat more fiber…
THE WOMAN
What are you talking about?! Oh, I get it, you a doctor, is that it? That is so-o cool; I always wanted to be a doctor’s wife.
COLON
I am your Colon.
THE WOMAN
Stop joking, please! Who are you really?
COLON
I'm completely serious. I am your Colon. Body organs have personalities, you know, so they can communicate to your subconscious to warn you of problems when the conventional ways fail.
THE WOMAN
What conventional ways?
COLON
Like pain, gas, bloating, constipation, general lack of stamina. . .
THE WOMAN
Ohhhh! This is too much!
COLON
Yes, yes! Too much, precisely! I’m completely full of shit!
The woman screams, runs away from him.
LIGHTS OUT.
LIGHT ON.
The Woman is screaming, lying down. KYLEE claps her hands and yells.
KYLEE
Wake up! Wake up!
The Woman sits up, staring straight ahead, quite shaken.
KYLEE
Well, did you find out where your mystery man is?
THE WOMAN
Up my ass!!!!
KYLEE
So… how does it make you feel?
The Woman wails loudly, covers her face with her hands shaking with sobs, gets up and runs for the door, mumbling:
THE WOMAN
I’ve got to get to a casino right away; I need a drink…
(she turns around)
Next week same time?
KYLEE
Su-ure… See you.
LIGHTS OUT.
THE END
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