The Synopsis:
Peter's wife throws him out of the house in the middle of the night and he walks over to a local hotel to get a room. Unfortunately for Peter and his wife the hotel is ran by vampires....
Characters:
Peter – a man
Hotel Clerk
Beth – a woman, Peter’s wife
Voice 1 – can be done by Beth
Voice 2 – can be done by Hotel Clerk
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Peter enters a hotel lobby, he is wearing a robe and pajamas - his wife threw him out of the house. He approaches the clerk.
Peter
I need a single room please, with a small bed, the cheapest you have.
Clerk
It will be $120.
Peter
All right…
(hands over a credit card)
Clerk (hands him a piece of paper and pen)
I’ll need you to fill out this form…
Peter (writing, mumbling)
This isn’t my address anymore, she was quite adamant about never wanting to see me again…
Clerk perks up at this.
Clerk (sweetly)
She’ll probably come running here shortly, ready to kiss and make up.
Peter
She won’t.
Clerk smiles.
Clerk
If she did want to kiss and make up, would she know where you went?
Peter
No, of course not.
Clerk (hands him a key and picks up a crucifix with a pen)
Here is your key. Room number 13. And I’ll need a $100 deposit for the crucifix, it’s real silver…
Peter takes the key, but pushes back the crucifix.
Peter
I don’t want it. I am an atheist.
Clerk
Really! How interesting! Do you mind if I ask where do you think life came from?
Peter (annoyed)
Actually I do mind! Last thing I want to do now is…
(realizes he was rude and changes in mid-sentence)
Life started by molecules of Oxygen, Hydrogen and Carbon combining to form DNA…
Clerk
Fascinating! Are all those molecules alive?
Peter
I can’t believe you’re asking that! Everybody knows that the molecules aren’t alive!
Clerk
Let me see if I understand you correctly: a bunch of dead chemicals randomly bumped into each other and formed living things?
Peter
But you see; they had billions of years to try different combinations until they got the right one. And they didn’t form organisms, only amino acids, and those, in turn formed living cells… It was all, really, just a bunch of random chemical reactions…
Clerk
Wow! Sounds to me that according to your theory if you took a box of legos and shook it for a very long time, they would form a live dog at some point.
Peter
No, no! That could never happen!
Clerk
Not even in a trillion billion years?
Peter
It only works on molecules, and they have to form amino acids first, and, technically, amino acids aren’t alive yet…
Clerk
Very impressive theory! Complete rubbish, of course…
Peter
Look, it’s the middle of the night, and my wife just threw me out, so I am going to my room now! Perhaps we can continue this discussion tomorrow.
Clerk (pushing the crucifix to Peter)
You’ll want this then.
Peter (pushes it back)
No thank you. Good night.
Clerk
Good night sir. Don’t let the… things bite…
Peter exits, very disgusted. Clerk smiles in a very evil way, crumples and throws away the credit card slip, and puts the piece of Paper Peter filled out in his pocket, then tip-toes off, rubbing his hands.
Lights out, lights on.
Peter’s room. He puts down his suitcase and lies down on his bed. Shortly there is a knock on the door.
Peter (not stirring)
Who is it?
Voice
Housekeeping. Can I come in for a minute? I forgot to change your towels.
Peter
Come back tomorrow morning.
Voice
But the towels, sir! They are left over from the previous guest. You really should have clean towels. You could catch something.
Peter
I don’t care. Please come back tomorrow.
Voice
As you wish.
Peter sighs, stretches, yawns, closes his eyes, when someone knocks on the door again.
Peter
Come back tomorrow! I don’t want towels!
Voice
What? No, I am your next door neighbor. My humble apologies for disturbing you, but could I come in to use your phone, mine is out of order?
Peter
Please go to the front desk about that. I am in bed already.
Voice
Thousand pardons, thousand pardons, I’ll be sure to do so…
Peter (grumbles to himself)
This place is a zoo!
He yawns and closes his eyes. In a couple of seconds there is another knock.
Peter (furious)
Whoever you are, go away, I am asleep!
Beth
Honey, it’s me. Can I come in?
Peter jumps out of the bed and rushes to unlock the door. Beth is standing in the doorway.
Peter
What a wonderful surprise! Does that mean you forgive me?
Beth
Aren’t you going to invite me in?
Peter
You don’t need an invitation!
Beth
I won’t make a step unless you ask me to come in.
Peter
All right, please come in.
Beth comes in.
Peter
How did you know where I was!
Beth
I followed you. I wanted to know if you went to your ho.
Peter
I was telling you the truth: I broke it off with her. It’s only you I love!
Beth
Yes darling, I believe you. Let’s kiss and make up.
Peter
I’m so relieved! Would you like to go get a couple of drinks to celebrate?
Beth (licking her lips VERY prominently)
I have a different kind of a drink in mind…
Peter
Oh, naughty!
She puts her hands on his shoulders. He smiles blissfully, they get closer and closer, but suddenly he stops smiling, holds back her nearing, and stares at her face in shock.
Peter
Your eyes, they are black!
Beth
That would be from crying so hard… And the light is weird here…
She smiles and pulls him toward her. He bolts again.
Peter
Your ears aren’t pierced! They were pierced, in three places!
Beth (hisses angrily)
Ah, smart ass! You ruined everything! Too bad - it could have been so pleasant… hmm … Your loss…
She growls and goes for his throat.
Lights out
A quick stifled scream, then loud sucking and slurping noises.
Lights on
Beth’s house. Beth is in bed asleep. Doorbell rings and rings. Beth yawns and goes to the door. She sees Peter through the eyehole and opens the door. He is wearing a scarf around his neck.
Beth
What do you want?
Peter
Can I talk to you just a few minutes, please!
Beth
We have nothing more to talk about! Go away!
Peter
Beth, please, it’s the middle of the night, it’s cold, and all the nearby hotels are full! Please, let me stay just one night.
Beth
No! You should have thought about that when you were fucking her!
She slams the door in his face and goes back to bed, but the doorbell rings again. She gets up and yells.
Beth
Get lost Peter!
Peter
If you don’t let me in I’ll call the cops! I live here, and you can’t kick me out without going to court first and getting a restraining order or something! All I’m asking is that you let me take a nap on the couch and pack all my stuff properly. I’m willing to compromise and leave tomorrow! Don’t make me assert my rights!
Beth
Okay, but tonight only.
Peter
I will be gone before the sun is up. Promise!
Beth
Come in then.
She turns away from him and walks back to her bed. He stands up on tiptoes and raises his arms over her shoulders, and follows her with an evil grin.
Lights out
A loud growl, short, quickly stifled scream, and a sound of sucking and smacking ones mouth.
The End
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