The Game Show

Pretty girls must kiss ugly toads to get a date with the arrogant Most Eligible Bachelor on a new dating show...

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The Characters:
Amy, Mary, Samantha - pretty girls of about 18
Meb - handsome gentleman in his 40s or 50s
Game Show Host - someone suitable
Cameraman - a guy with a camera

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MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR’S OFFICE:

Meb (MOST ELLIGIBLE BACHELOR)
How can I help you?

Game Show Host
I’d like to invite you to be on the show.

Meb
What would I have to do?

Show Host
Nothing, just be yourself – the Most Eligible Bachelor! The winner will go on a date with you and receive some cash.

MEB
I take it you’ll have only stunningly beautiful young ladies partake in that contest?

Show Host
Naturally.

MEB
So what would they have to do to win a date with me?

Show Host
I was thinking, kissing some live frogs, you know, like in a fairy tale…

MEB (evil laugh)
Better make them toads, real big and ugly ones, ha, ha, ha.

Show Host
Great idea! Toads it is!

MEB
So what’s in it for me?

Show Host (mumbling)
Why… the date with one of the most beautiful young woman in the city… being on TV… millions of fans… eh… having the satisfaction of knowing that your beautiful date had to kiss toads to go on a date with you…

MEB
I want 50% of the revenue from the show.

Show Host
P-please, b-be r-r-reasonable!

MEB
Without me you’ve got no show.

Show Host
I c-can find another handsome bachelor…

MEB
30%. My final offer.

Show Host
Okay.

MEB (evil laugh)
Ha, ha, ha.

THE GAME SHOW:

Amy, Mary and Samantha stand in front of a big basket of toads just before the show. 

Mary
Those sure are ugly!

Amy
Yes they are. Doesn't seem fair that only one girl gets paid. Hey, I have an idea.

The girls bend heads together and whisper, giggling.

The Game Host comes out. The audience erupts in applause because someone in the corner holds up a sign that says, "Applaud".

Game Host
One of these toads is a prince. The girl who kisses the right toad will win a date with the Most Eligible Bachelor and $300,000 cash.  Let's begin.

Audience applauds as the guy holds up the sign.
The girls grab toads from the basket and kiss them one by one and throw them in a bucket on the floor. The special toad is pretty much at the very bottom. When it is kissed, the lights flash and the bell sounds. One of the girls faints, the other attacks Amy, trying to strangle her. The Game Host pulls her off her, then hands her a huge check for $300,000.  Applaud sign - audience applauds.

The Most Eligible Bachelor approaches. He offers Amy his arm. They leave the stage.

A guy holds a sign saying, "Applause, screams and whistles." Audience produces appropriate sounds.

Lights out/Lights on

Amy and MEB are on a date, a cameraman is hovering over them with a camera.

Amy (to the cameraman)

Would you mind stepping back a bit, I'd like a moment of privacy here.

Cameraman
Well, I don't know, I mean, I'm supposed to film everything, like everything, you know...

Amy (to Meb)
Honey, be so sweet as buy us a moment of privacy.

Meb (hands Cameraman a couple of bills)
Go stand over there for a minute, we're not going to run away.

Cameraman
I don't know...

Meb hands him another couple of bills. Cameraman takes them and walks to the end of the stage.

Meb
Wow! You kissed all those toads to go out with me! I'm impressed!

Amy
I did it for the money, don't flatter yourself.

Meb
I totally relate. I wouldn't have kissed a singe toad if all I'd get is a date with you.

Amy
Hey, I'll give you a chance to get off easy. You can pay me not to go on a date with you.

Meb
Great idea! Here, have everything I have in my wallet.

Amy (digging in his wallet)
Not nearly enough

Meb
How much do you want?

Amy
Only a measly $300,000

Meb
I think I'll just suffer through the date…

Amy (whispers)
Are you sure? You'll end up paying way more in child support….

Meb
No problem. The whole bottle of Ecstasy won't induce me to have sex with you!

Amy (whispers)
Us having sex! Gross! Not to mention that it is illegal to have sex with your own daughter.

Meb (lowers his voice)
Who's my daughter!

Amy
Me. And I can prove it.

Meb (whispering angrily)
Then why did you have to kiss toads if you can prove it!

Amy
I need one more piece of evidence.

Meb
Well, whatever it is, you're not getting it!

Amy
Yes I am! On this date the lady decides where we go and what we do. So, come on, let's go to the nearest hospital and donate some blood...  A good cause...

Meb
You're bluffing! The test will show it.

Amy (waving to the cameraman)
Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not.  Lets get the cameraman over here....

Meb
Wait! You know what, this is ridiculous! You can have the $300,000.

Amy
Wise choice.

Meb pulls out his checkbook.

Amy
Ah ah ah! No checks, cash only!

Meb
You don't trust me!

Amy
I don't trust anybody - don't feel bad. Let's lose that guy and go to the bank or a cash machine…

They take off running. The cameraman follows them yelping, "Wait for me!"

Lights out/ Lights on.

Amy is with the other two girls from the contest. She hands to each a brown paper bag.

Amy
Here are your shares, ladies.

They all laugh.

Lights out.
The end.